Jesus Gets Fired

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Jesus is sitting in His manager's office at the swimming pool where He works. His manager sits across from him. They've been staring at each other for a while, His manager exasperated.

MANAGER: Do you have any idea why I’ve pulled you into the office?

JESUS: Yes but I think that there has been a massive over- reaction.

MANAGER: Oh do you now? Do you really?

JESUS: Listen. The whole walk on water party thing went down a treat in my day.

MANAGER: Yes, I'm sure it didn't. But you weren’t walking on a swimming pool while it was filled with a water aerobics class for the elderly back then, were you?

JESUS: I don’t see what the big deal about that is.

MANAGER: You kicked someone’s granny in the face.

JESUS: And that's my fault?

MANAGER: YES! Of course it's your fault!

JESUS: She didn't see the 5 Foot 11 Inch man who was walking on the water above her?

MANAGER: Jesus she was 84, she had Cateracts.

JESUS: Still don't see how that's my fault.

MANAGER: Look, fine, we'll put that at 50/50 blame. But the other reason you are here--

JESUS: I know what you are going to say, that I was being a little unorthodox, but man, I was just trying to liven that party up. It looked boring. Everyone looked bored.

MANAGER: Jesus, you turned the whole of the swimming pool into wine.

JESUS: Water into wine. That’s what I do.

MANAGER: It was a 10th birthday party!

JESUS: That I didn’t think through.

At that precise moment, a bunch of kids stagger past the door, pissed. Jesus and the manager look at the chaos behind them, kids trying to fight with each other, the other's throwing up, then look at each other. 

JESUS: You know, in some cultures, kids are encouraged to drink early in order to build up a tolerance to alcohol. So really, I was just being multi-cultural.

MANAGER: Jesus. 

JESUS: I’m fired aren’t I? 


Chris Patrick