Gordon was sweating, properly sweating. He was sweating so much with the nerves he couldn't really tell if it was sweat running down his arse crack or if he'd actually shat himself with the responsibility he'd been handed. His bosses had just made the announcement public that there was to be a new TV channel for Scotland and he was the guy who was running it. Serves him right for running his fucking mouth off. The rest of the people in the room were all twats, and most of them were English, they wouldn't be able to run a new Scottish TV channel. So Gordon, still half-pished from the previous night's straight-fae, stood up and proclaimed that he was the man to lead the new channel. He was bursting with ideas (but mainly a pish) and as the only Scot in the room felt it his duty to bring the new channel to light. He stopped just short of going painting his face like the Scottish flag, singing Flower Of Scotland and flinging haggis around the room.
When his bosses decided that they'd give him the job, Gordon realised he'd have to deliver on those promises. So he did what everyone would do, given his position. He got a bunch of people with ideas in a row and tried to get them to come up with something good. But right now, he was having a bad yin. If he fucked this up, he'd be lucky to get the job as a runner on BBC ALBA. He'd end up producing web-series on Youtube or something.
The pressure on, Gordon took a shaky hand and picked up a glass of water from the conference table. He cleared his throat after a long drink and addressed the room.
"OK, everyone thanks for coming in. We've got the exciting opportunity here to make something special for this new TV channel in Scotland, and you're the brightest, most creative bunch of writers and producers Scotland has to offer. Let's get the ball rolling. Who's got ideas?"
Please, for the love of fuck, save my job, thought Gordon.
A hand shot up in the air right away. "Something Scottish."
Gordon. "Aye, well that goes without saying. It'll be Scottish programming. Who's got an idea for one?"
Another hand. "Eh....Trainspotting the TV Show?"
Gordon. "No, too soon after the sequel. We want something original, something fresh."
Yet another hand, they were coming thick and fast now. "Fishing for Salmond?"
The hand continued. "A fishing show presented by Alex Salmond."
Gordon. "Naw--I mean no. What else?"
"Trainspotting the mockumentary?"
Gordon."Right look enough about Trainspotting. Give me a good idea here folks."
"Mission To Deep Fried Mars. A sci fi show but Scottish."
Gordon. "Naw, come on. These are getting worse. What else?"
"The Hairy Haggis?"
"Come Chib Wae Me? The Chib Factor?"
"Chips N Dicks?"
"The Secret Diary of William Wallace?"
Gordon thought. "That might work. What's it about?"
"Basically it's like that show Billie Piper did but instead of Billie Piper it's William Wallace and he's a call boy--"
"NAW! Why would you even think that was a good idea? Get oot!"
"What about Stripping with Sturgeon?"
Gordon shook his head. "I don't even want to know what that ones about."
"Basically the first minister goes around--"
Gordon put his own hand up. "Naw, enough. Look if you've not any good ideas, don't put your hand up or speak out. Please."
A hand shot up. "I've got it!
Gordon sighed. "What?"
"Trainspotting on Ice?"
"Would you shut the fuck up about Trainspotting!?"
Gordon put his head in his hands for a moment before talking out his laptop and bringing up his CV.